for posterity, courtesy of the daily what if you're ignunt enough not to check it out regularly.

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Â		I will marry ricky martin.	Â
Â		After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in boston in our fabulous Shack.	Â
Â		We will have 55 kid(s) together.	Â
Â		Our family will zoom around in a bedazzled rusty \'85 datsun sentra.
Â		I will spend my days as a miley cyrus\' handler, and live happily ever after.	Â
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Picture of me. Trent and a wtf sunburned me built an arch that holds itself together at the Exploratorium! The random child is in awe.



lol @ sunburn
lol @ random kid

Â
Â		I will marry Lil Kim.	Â
Â		After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in Boston in our fabulous Shack.	Â
Â		We will have 7 kid(s) together.	Â
Â		Our family will zoom around in a Red failboat.
Â		I will spend my days as a Singer/Songwriter, and live happily ever after.	Â
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For my favorite Canadian, scotty2naughty.

So I basically got my card games on all weekend with my friend Alf. We took some pictures using that distorting thingamajigger program on his Mac.



I made some good dinner on Saturday! Pepper crusted seared steak in a port wine & fig reduction sauce, along with white asparagus tossed with olive oil, pepper, and grated parmesan cheese. We were going to make a parfait of whipped cream, pineapple, and ginger snaps...but we were so stuffed that it never happened.

Anygay...Just because I refuse to invest in a planner, here's my schedule for a wee bit:

January 12th - Either ariestar is coming to visit, or I am going to lunch with New Year's Dude.

January 18th - Don Rickles @ Foxwoods (I really hope to get shit on by him.)
January 19th - Press Event @ Mohegan Sun for Sun Wine Festival
January 20th - Montreal to see Louis XIV (11 hour car trip. I'll have to bring some...diversion)

January 30th - Meeting fulflej in NYC. Crashing at his friend Hillary's digs
January 31st - Hanging with Trent, then meeting up at some point w/ eclipse77x...Still homeless for that night, barring Trent and I securing a hotel.
February 1st - Hanging with Trent some more, then meeting up with russross. I'll be crashing there.

February 21st - MIAMI! for South Beach Food and Wine Festival. BBQ w/ Rachael Ray? Poker w/ Paula Deen? Cooking class with Rocco Dispirito? Awards show with Eric Ripert? I am so going to piddle.

Skip over this entry if you want to hear about fart jokes or sex.

I love the Harper's Index. A list of some fairly piquant statistics was published in the August 2007 issue. I bolded the ones that I though were of particular interest.

Number of Bush White House officials who are authorized to discuss pending criminal cases with the Justice Department: 711
Number of Clinton officials who were: 4
Number of Bush appointees who regulate industries they used to represent as lobbyists: 85
Percentage of federal inspectors general appointed by Bush and Clinton, respectively, who had prior audit experience: 36, 66
Percentage who held some political position prior to their appointment: 45, 22
Number of the five directors of a No Child Left Behind reading program who had financial ties to curricula they developed: 4
Average amount each of these directors has received from the publishers of reading materials sold to schools: $727,000
Number of states where middle school reading scores have improved since 2002, as measured by the states' tests: 33
Number of these states where reading scores showed any improvement on a thirty-eight-year-old national test: 8
Portion of states where the projected climate in 2100 will not be able to sustain their official tree or flower: 3/5
Percentage of British children aged seven to eleven who say they "worry about global warming": 34
Percentage who believe their own parents are to blame for the problem: 15
Chances that a European industrial plant emitted less CO2 last year than its new EU quota allowed: 19 in 20
Portion of Indian companies that maintain gas-run generators and stores of gasoline to use during power outages: 1/2
Estimated amount of oil, in barrels, used to make the bottled-water containers sold in the U.S. last year: 16,000,000
Ratio of the amount of water used to make the containers to the amount of bottled water consumed: 2/1
Average number of liters of bottled water delivered to U.S. troops in Iraq each day: 1,400,000
Number of U.N. staffers in New York who still have full-time jobs monitoring Iraq for weapons of mass destruction: 34
Date on which the U.S. first proposed a Security Council resolution to disband the monitoring team: 6/8/07 (that's June 8th for you Internationals!)
Percentage of Marines stationed in Iraq who say they agree that "all non-combatants should be treated as insurgents": 16
Percentage who say they "neither agree nor disagree": 19
Number of the 525 donors who raised at least $100,000 for Bush in 2004 who have yet to support a 2008 candidate: 34
Amount the political action committee of 2008 hopeful Fred Thompson has given to Republican causes since 2003: $83,650
Amount the PAC has paid since then in consulting fees to Thompson's sons: $196,260
Percentage of conservative voters who said in May that they favor amnesty for illegal immigrants: 55
Percentage who said they would be less likely to vote for a presidential candidate who favored such a plan: 66
Number of forty-seven Mexican consulates in cities across America that have opened since 1980: 42
Amount the consulates spent last year to repatriate the bodies of Mexicans who died here: $3,800,000
Minimum number of U.S. colleges that now offer on-campus sites for the ashes of alumni: 9
Portion of Americans who believe there are circumstances in which a medical patient should be allowed to die: 7/10
Portion who say they would consider ending their own lives if ill with a terminal disease: 1/3
Chance that an inmate serving a life sentence in Italy signed a May letter asking to be sentenced to death: 1 in 4
Number of prisons in England that provied personal trainers to unfit inmates: 25
Minimum price for a Disney World "VIP" tour which includes a personal guide to negotiate lines at rides: $750
Number of different nationalities represented among the staff at the headquarters of Coca-Cola: 58
Number of words spoken by Clarence Thomas during Supreme Court oral arguments since February 2006: 132
Number by Samuel Alito, the Justice who spoke the second-fewest words: 14,404
Weight, in ounces, of all the information that passed through the Internet last year: 0.00004 (for you Internationals, I assure you that it is basically nothing.)
Cost per minute last spring for callers to the Vienna public library to have literary erotica read to them: 49 cents
Average number of minutes a caller listened: 4

my ipod shuffle so far:

del tha funkee homosapien - time is too expensive
weezer - el scorcho
gravy train!!!! - gotta get outta bawiddicals
wham! - wake me up before you gogo
three 6 mafia - baby mama
the dandy warhols - all the money or the simple life honey
louis prima - jump, jive, 'n wail
new kids on the block - hangin' tough
peggy lee - doodlin' song

my music taste makes me laugh when i put all in one place at the same time like that.

i wish i had this on tape...
my friend at work is trying to call some place for a client, and no one speaks english there. he's trying to spell the name of the client:

"Hello. Hello? May I speak with someone who speaks English? English. Thank you. Hello? Yes, I am calling from the United States. We sent a wire to you last month and we were trying to determine whether you received it or not. Yes. A wire. We sent it last month. Last month. Here is the name: E as in Ethiopia, D, W as in Water, A as in Apple, R, D...Yes. That's the first name. Here's the last name...B as in Boy, E as in Ethiopia, Z as in Zaire.......(five minutes later)...You don't see anything showing up? OK, Thank you!"

With such poise! I am envious.

THANKS, mrpunk2u!



it's hella blurry, so let's show you something:






it snowed. it's a white st patty's day!!! and here's me in my traditional irish garb:


drink responsibly, and enjoy your heritage and/or parties!

a note to all non-bostonians:



note the apparent absence of concrete in harvard yard. you can't pahk your fucking cah there! so stop saying it like it's cute. we hate you.

/rant

off to new hampshire.

you know something?

when you're not surfing for porn, the internet is FUCKING BORING.

a little late, but it finally happened. i got sick :(
usually it happens when the seasons change, but i think the fact that we had warm weather through most of december delayed it a bit.
so i sit here in my itchy sweater my sister got me a six christmases ago that looks like freddy kreuger's shirt matched mismatched with my plaid flannel pajama pants, holding about ten sheets of toilet paper balled up as a makeshift tissue (note to self: buy tissues) thinking about when i will get better and all the plans i have to regretfully cancel.
my posts will be sparce until i feel better, but i'm sure you all have more interesting things to read on livejournal, anyway. so wish me a speedy recovery if you're so inclined, and i'll be taking it as easy as i can until i feel better!

oh, and congratulations are in order for oz_bandicoot who has just given birth to a beautiful baby girl named amelia. i'm so happy for you, rach. :)

isn't it a little early in the day to be discussing threesomes?
haha

R.I.P. Andy.